Signed: From A Very Scared Lazy Ninja Suitor
by NarutoRox
Summary: Shikamaru's journal after certain events pertaining to his relationship with a certain blonde Suna kunoichi...and her over-protective brothers. With nosy friends trying to 'help' and the universe seemingly against him, what's a lazy suitor to do? 'Troublesome' doesn't even BEGIN to cover it...
1. A Very Frightened Suitor

**AN: **This is dedicated to _The Kazekage of Suna_, who asked if someone would do a journal entry-type fic on their fic 'Signed: From Your Not So Loyal Author'. Please go read that, it's hilarious! Plus this ties in with events from that fic, too! :)

* * *

Dear Journal:

Gaara scares the holy crap out of me.

It makes me wonder if Temari is worth dating at all.

It's all just so troublesome.

I don't dare tell him we've been dating for almost three years now.

I've begged Temari to simply stop TELLING him we're going out, but no.

One must be honest to one's little brother, apparently.

Does she KNOW of the unspeakable things he's threatened to do to me? Does she care if I live at all?

A very frightened lazy ninja,

Shikamaru

P.S. I am no longer speaking to Naruto, I don't care how close he is to Gaara, that is no excuse for throwing me under the bus.

* * *

I am now getting horribly graphic pictures sent to me of what I would look like after I was crushed by sand and then thrown into Kankuro's puppet.

Who knew Kankuro was so artistic?

* * *

No one is any help. At all.

So I go to my best friend, Choji, in my time of need. (Which was mistake number one, I like the guy, but he isn't the sharpest kunai in the pouch, let me tell you.)

Do you know what he says?

'Wait, _three years?! _Why am I just finding out about this?!'

Because you are an idiot that can't keep your mouth shut, that's why. Since, right after I told you this, this happened:

_He told Gaara. _That I had been dating his sister for _three years._ _What is WRONG with you, Choji?! _

So. Now I am fearing for my life, praying for the powers that be to intervene and allow me to live.

Or that Temari gets my distress call, and kicks her little brothers' asses before they start doing all that unspeakable stuff they told me about.

Oh, _GOD. _There is sand crawling up my hand.

For anyone who finds this (and hopefully my body), I want my mother to know I love her, and that I regret nothing.

(Except maybe befriending and confiding in Choji)

A very frightened (and probably decomposing corpse by the time anyone finds this) ninja,

Shikamaru

* * *

_Don't be so dramatic, Shika! Naruto found you before any REAL harm could be had! _

_And what do you MEAN, I'm not the brightest kunai in the pack?! That's cruel, you're supposed to be my best friend! _

_I was just trying to help, after all, I figured if I told him you guys had been an item for a while, now, he would back down. _

_Sorry, I guess I was wrong. _

_But don't worry, Temari visits you everyday in the hospital, and with all the guards, there's NO WAY they can come back and finish the job. _

_Plus they said you were showing some brain activity yesterday, isn't that great? And chicks dig scars, right? _

_Well, I'm going to leave this here for you in case you wake up while I'm gone. That way you'll know what happened. If you can still read._

_Aww, someone sent you this decorative cactus! I wonder who could have done that? It even has this sand all in the pot. Oh, I bet it was Temari! I'll leave it by your bedside._

_Be back in an hour!_

_Your best friend,_

_Choji_


	2. Troublesome

**Author's Note:** At the request of others and with the blessing of The Kazekage of Suna, I have decided to continue this story. Updates will be random and completely on a whim, though if enough people want another update, I'm more inclined to give in. ;) Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes ('Cause I know more than likely there will be some), and I know Shikamaru's going to be a little out of character (Let's face it, he's too lazy to keep a journal, anyway), but I'm going for it anyway. Enjoy! ^_^

* * *

Dear Journal:

It's been 2 weeks, and I now have enough motor skills to actually write.

Ino has ordered me to continue keeping a journal, in order to improve said motor skills. She's getting annoyed with feeding me now, I think.

With Ino's help, I'm now friends with Choji again, who (tearfully) assured me he had no idea what Gaara had planned. I don't blame him...I'm the 'smart' one, as Ino said, I should have seen it coming.

I blame Temari's homicidal brothers.

Speaking of Temari, she visited me once I was able to speak. She assured him she had Gaara and Kankuro under control (I don't believe her, but I have ANBU bodyguards, so I humored her), and that I was not to worry.

I didn't bother to remind her that's what she said last time.

She's still going to keep her distance, at least for now.

If I had known having a girlfriend like her was going to bet his troublesome...

Your very lazy author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**AN: **Also, if you like this story, then you'll love: 'Signed: From Your Not So Loyal Author' by The Kazekage of Suna, 'The Special Life of Kankuro' by Kakashi the Moo Cow, 'The Tantalizing Tales of Temari' by johnsonmiranda70, and 'Signed From: Tobi, The Good Boy!' by Gaaralover2247. I'm not ashamed to say their diaries are far better than mine...so go check them out! ;)


	3. A Very Confusing Dream

**AN: **I decided to go ahead and add another chapter, just because. :) Really, though, I highly doubt I'll update this quickly again, so enjoy while you can! Oh, and Shikamaru is still in the hospital, if you were wondering.

* * *

Dear Journal:

I remember a strange dream I had while I was slightly comatose and drugged to the gills a few weeks ago.

It was so strange...one of my guards tossed the other guard, Gai, out the window after pepper-spraying him (which I was thankful for at the time, since he was being so noisy).

Then, a new guard showed up...and started throwing things out the window. I think it was...popcorn...?

They both were spying on people from my window, and throwing water-balloons and...it's all so confusing.

I wish I could remember their faces.

I told Ino about this, and she said I was probably hallucinating.

Though I heard her telling Choji they never found that ANBU from what they called 'The Gai incident'.

I don't know...

Your confused lazy author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**AN: **(^_^)' What's Shikamaru talking about? Who knows, eh-heh...

Anyway, I'm thinking about changing the name of this fic. What do you guys think?

**Edit: **Okay, I'm still getting a lot of 'WTF?' reviews concerning this chapter, so I'm just gonna try to explain myself the best I can here. This is chapter is in no way really relevent to the main story, as it's mostly just a filler. It was a little in-joke between another writer and myself, after a miniature role-play we ended up doing in response to one of their reviews to the first chapter. As far as what this all means...well. Shikamaru was basically stoned to the gills with pain medication, and had an odd dream. There was an ANBU that had been posted to keep an eye on him, but unfortunately that particular ninja defected from Konoha, after getting in a tiff with Gai. Shikamaru's over-medicated mind supplied the rest of the very strange details. Like I said before, this doesn't affect the main story, so it really isn't important. Just think of it as random journal babble, okay? ;)


	4. Cheap Friends and Wise Fathers

**AN: **Okay, it's been pointed out to me, but I know Shikamaru is acting a bit out of character...I mean, he's too lazy to keep a journal, if we're being serious. But this is a fanfiction, and I'm not being serious. I'm totally making this up as I go along. But anyway, thanks to all of those who reviewed, favorited, or followed so far. I'm glad you like this! :)

* * *

Dear Journal:

I'm _finally _out of the hospital, thank God.

The others all decided to throw me a little party to celebrate.

Of course, even though the party was for me, I ended up getting stuck with the bill.

Somehow, I'm not surprised.

But anyway, Temari was there, which was cool.

She said, surprisingly, that Gaara had sent her. She's supposed to be here for a few weeks on an extended mission.

I was a little suspicious, and she got all huffy when I asked her what the mission was, so I dropped it.

And then I told her about the wierd dream I had in the hospital. She got a very odd look on her face when I said something about the popcorn.

After some prodding on my part, she finally told me that their where two wanted fugitives that fit my description. She didn't elaborate more than that.

* * *

I asked Ino if I still had to write in the journal since my motor skills picked back up, since keeping the thing is so troublesome...she said yes, that it was good for me. I don't really agree, but whatever.

My father seems to think it's a good idea. He says I might want to look back at my thoughts a few years from now.

I think it's a good way to let enemy shinobi find out about our secrets, but hey. He's old and wise, I guess.

Your uncertain lazy author,

Shikamaru

* * *

_Dear Smart-ass Son:_

_Only if you're stupid enough to put mission details in here or bring it on a mission into enemy territory. _

_Just don't write anything you wouldn't want an enemy (or your mother) to read. And don't leave this where an enemy (or your mother) can find it._

_Your 'old' and very wise father_

* * *

Dear Father,

Apparently, I also shouldn't write anything I don't want you to read and shouldn't leave this where you can find it. Thanks for the heads-up.

Your lazy son,

Shikamaru

* * *

_Dear lazy son:_

_Don't mention it._

_Your equally smartass father_

* * *

**AN: **I had to put that bit with Shikaku in, after reading Naruto Chapter 616. *Total Spoiler here, btw, so don't keep reading if you don't wanna know.* I mean, I really like the guy...and I was really touched by his and Shikamaru's words to each other. I hope he somehow made it out with Inochi...I don't think so, but maybe, since he IS a clever guy, maybe he did. Also, haha, I now want to know what's in that box that he doesn't want Shikamaru's mother to see, ha!


	5. The Need for a Lock

**A/N: **Sorry for not updating in a while! It's been a busy month so far, and I doubt it's going to get less busy anytime soon...but anyway, thanks for all the reviews, favs and follows, I'm glad you all like the story! :)

* * *

Dear Journal:

It's been awhile...sorry, it just seemed too troublesome so write what's been going on lately.

But right now, I'm having an odd dilemma, and I thought maybe writing it down will help me think about it.

The other day, when I went to see Temari at the place she's staying while she's here on a mission, there was a bouquet of flowers on her doorstep.

I picked them up, but couldn't find a card on them...she opened the door and saw me standing there with the flowers, and thought _I _had gotten them for her.

Not that I'm complaining, she was very pleased with me at that point, and kept going on about what a 'nice and _completely out of character_' gesture it was.

I'm not even insulted by her implication that I'm never nice. Feeling a little guilty, though.

Uh, but anyway, now I'm wondering who sent the flowers, 'cause I know it wasn't me.

I feel like I should thank him, somehow.

Your slightly guilty author,

Shikamaru

* * *

_Shikamaru, you shouldn't be thanking the guy! Whoever he is, he's trying to take your girl!_

_You need to find out who it is, so you can set him straight! I'll even help!_

_Your awesome friend,_

_Kiba_

* * *

Kiba, how did you find this?

Why did you write in it?

And what do you mean, 'set him straight'?

Trying to remember why I'm friends with you,

Shikamaru

* * *

_Choji showed it to me, he was worried about you and didn't know what to do._

_Because that's what you do with a journal, duh._

_And I mean beat him up for trying to take your woman, of course._

_Kiba_

* * *

Note to self: Put lock on journal and stop writing in it where Choji can see me.

I still don't get what Kiba means, why would I need to beat anyone up over this?

Temari and I have been going out for 3 years, I'm not worried.

Okay, I'm a little worried about her brothers, but that's it.

And how the hell did Kiba get to read my journal again...?

Your bewildered author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**We were all passing it around at lunch when you got up to go to the bathroom.**

**-Shino**

* * *

I doubt a lock would help, we're all ninja and highly skilled at picking them!

~Tenten~

* * *

_You won't talk to me anymore, and I just wanted to help, Shikamaru!_

_Your best friend,_

_Choji_

* * *

_Dude, you should be worried! Look how she went on and on about how nice it was for you to bring flowers, and how out of character of you it was...if she was that impressed, she'll probably drop you for this new guy in a heart beat!_

_Kiba_

* * *

Do they all have nothing better to do than read my private thoughts?

And it was just some flowers, I mean, sure, she said she liked them and she mentioned them a few times even after that, but really, I'm sure I have nothing to worry about.

I mean, really, what does Kiba know?

Your now slightly worried author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **I forgot to mention these before, but if you like this, you might also like: 'Signed From Sasuke: Your Loyal Stalker' by Gaaralover2247; 'Dear Book That Is Not Icha Icha Paradise' by The Kazekage of Suna (who is a legend of Diary fics, and is the reason I'm am writing this to begin with), 'Signed From: The Awesome Jashinist, Hidan' by Envyyyy, and 'Signed: From Your Rather Insane Uchiha' by Byakusharinnegan. They are all awesomely funny, and I personally recommend them all!


	6. Forget the Lock, Need New Friends

**A/N: **Weren't expecting an update so soon, were you? Well, actually, neither was I. ;) But sometimes these things all work out. Thanks again to everyone who's reviewed, favorited, and followed so far...these updates are for you! ^_^

* * *

Dear Journal:

Temari brought up the flowers again.

Okay, I admit...it's driving me a little crazy.

Oh, and I found a lock to put on my journal.

I think it's working.

Your annoyed author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**The lock didn't work. We are skilled ninja, after all.**

**- Shino**

* * *

_**If you're so worried about the flowers, ask Ino. I'm sure she'd know, especially if whoever it was bought flowers from her shop.**_

_**- A very exasperated Neji**_

* * *

Even Neji is in on it now, wonderful.

What is wrong with them, that they can't leave this alone?

They're worse than my father.

But I think I _will_ go talk to Ino...

Your lazy author,

Shikamaru

* * *

_Dear Lazy son:_

_I doubt that._

_Your very clever Father_

* * *

**_I only replied because Tenten and Lee wouldn't leave me alone about it._**

**_And you were starting to sulk. It was annoying._**

**_- A still exasperated Neji_**

* * *

_We're 100% behind you, Shikamaru! We've all got your back!_

_Your best friend,_

_Choji_

* * *

My journal has had other people write in it more than me.

I don't sulk.

And quit writing in my journal!

Your pissed off friend,

Shikamaru

* * *

**_Then don't leave it for us to get to. And yes, you do._**

**_- Neji, still exasperated_**

* * *

Okie dokie!

~Tenten~

* * *

**Won't happen again.**

**- Shino**

* * *

_Only if you promise to talk to me when you have a problem!_

_Your best friend,_

_Choji_

* * *

_Got it! And I'm with Choji, we've got your back, man!_

_You're back-up,_

_Kiba_

* * *

_Sorry, no promises, son._

_Your Father_

* * *

I need new friends.

And to move out of my house.

Your defeated author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, now even Neji is in on it. Why, you ask? Because I love him, I thought it would be funny, and I'm in denial about certain events I shan't name here...though I think most of you know what I'm talking about anyway.


	7. Gossip and a Headache

**A/N: **Another update! I'm as surprised as you are! This is actually one of the easiest stories for me to update, especially when one of my random Let's-go-write-as-Shikamaru moods hit. Gotta apologize if anyone's too OOC, but hey, I really can see Shikamaru's friends giving him a hard time about this. ;)

* * *

Dear Journal:

Okay, so I caved and went to see Ino.

Of course the entire peanut gallery decided to tag along.

That is, Choji, Kiba, Tenten, and Lee all decided to come with me so they could 'have my back'.

Shino stayed 20 feet back from us with his hands in his pockets.

Neji was a little more stealthy about it, but he was there, too.

My troublesome friends aside, when I got there I asked Ino if anyone odd had come in to buy a bouquet.

She knew exactly what I was talking about.

Why, you ask?

Because Hinata had told her.

How did Hinata know?

Because one of the irritating people that came with me told her. Probably Kiba or Shino. Though I'm starting to wonder if maybe it was Neji.

Anyway, she told me (okay, us) that she didn't know who bought those flowers, but she'd keep an eye out for me.

Then she winked at me. How kind of her.

That girl is such a gossip, now everyone is going to know.

Just like how we all now know that Iruka came in all flustered yesterday to buy lilies, two other people I don't really know nor care about are buying flowers for some chunin I don't know, and how Naruto bought tulips for some reason he refused to disclose to Ino (I don't blame him).

I gave up and left while she was telling the others about her recent suspicions that Gai has a lady friend.

I'm going to go see Kurenai, maybe she'll have some better advice.

Who the hell would want to go out with Gai, anyway?

Your non-gossiping author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**I already asked Kurenai-sensei, and she didn't have much to say in advice, sorry.**

**And Hinata didn't hear it from me.**

**- Shino**

* * *

_**You wouldn't happen to have heard who Gai-sensei's new...aquantance was, did you? Not that I care, I'm just surprised he hasn't been shouting it at us during our team's missions, that's all.**_

_**And I did not tell Lady Hinata, nor was I following you. I just happened to be in the neighborhood.**_

_**- Neji, still exasperated**_

* * *

I have to be more careful when and where I write in here.

Otherwise, I might misplace it outside of the Yamanaka Flower Shop, where random Aburame's and Hyuuga's can find it and write in it.

The least Neji could have done was handed it to me, instead of throwing it at me from down the street.

He should know my reflexes still aren't on par after Gaara's assassination attempt.

It left a huge bump on my head.

Your abused author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**_Sorry, I forgot._**

**_And you were looking right at me!_**

**_- an apologetic Neji_**

* * *

That last message came to me in the form of a paper airplane.

Was he seriously using his Byakugan to read my journal?

Your bewildered author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **While I'm at it, I want to thank _WatchingAsYouFall _for reviewing every chapter, that made my day, and was one of the reasons I decided to write this chapter. I also want to thank _Gaaralover2247_, _Crazydoglover_, and _animedude16_, my other frequent reviewers...you guys are awesome! Thanks to all of you! ^_^

Also, if anyone is interested, I've decided to do Shikaku's journal as well, though it's not cannon to this story. It's called 'Me & My Shadow: Words to My Son (By Shikaku Nara)'. Well, I say journal, but it's more of a memoir for Shikamaru. Anyway, feel free to check it out! ^_^


	8. The Jerk Admirer

**A/N: **I hope I'm not running the whole secret admirer plot into the ground...I assure you, we will be getting answers on that front. Maybe even in this chapter. ;)

* * *

Dear Journal:

Well, my head feels a little better, after I sat down and watched the clouds for a little while.

I had decided to give up on the stupid elusive flower-giver.

I mean, why should I worry? Temari and I have a nice relationship, why should I worry about some random secret admirer?

So, I had decided to just let it go, and watch the clouds.

The others tracked me down, after about an hour.

They were quite flabbergasted as to why I was lying down when someone was, in Kiba's own words, 'Putting the moves on my woman'.

I again pointed out that I wasn't worried (even though it _is _kind of bugging me), and that Temari and I were fine.

Ino then said that, although that may be true, Temari _was _going to be ticked at me when she found out that I didn't get her those flowers...and that I still took credit for it.

Long story short, I now have some flowers from Ino, and am going to go see Temari.

I've got to lose the others first, though.

Your stealthy author,

Shikamaru

* * *

Okay, I take back what I said before about not caring about the admirer.

The prick was one step ahead of me.

When I got there, flowers in hand, Temari was pleased but surprised to see them.

Especially as I had already left a bunch of tulips (which are her favorite flower, apparently) on her doorstep.

Since I looked so dumbfounded, I think she assumed I still had brain-damage and forgot I got the tulips as well.

She went on and on about how nice I was being lately, what with all the things I'd been sending her.

Yes. _There are other things._

Apparently, I've been sending them to her since she got here.

I finally got my bearings and played along, then made some excuse to leave so I could think about this.

Now I'm with Kiba on this. I should be worried. Very, very worried.

I mean, how did he know what her favorite flowers were, anyway?! _I _didn't know that, and I've been dating her for three years!

When would it have been brought up?! I never got her flowers before-God, I'm a terrible boyfriend- so how would I know she likes freaking _tulips_, of all things-

!

Tulips. _Tulips._

I happen to know somebody who recently bought tulips.

What. The. _Hell_.

Your angry author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **Dun dun dun! Okay, I lied, we didn't really get any answers...well, we sort of did, but not really. ;) I'm starting to feel sorry for my torment of poor Shikamaru.


	9. How Could You!

**A/N: **Phew, I'm back! Sorry, I was trying to study over the past week, plus I hurt my hand again, which made it hard to type. But like I said before, this is what I shall call a 'Random Update' story, meaning even _I_ don't know when the next update will be. ;) Several of you got it right on who Temari's admirer was...well, mostly.

* * *

Dear Journal:

Okay, mystery solved.

I found Naruto at Ichiraku Ramen.

I was, um, less than civil to him.

Though at least I didn't pick up his bowl of ramen and dump it into his lap, like Kiba did. I take back what I said about him, he's a real friend.

Uh, anyway, back to Naruto. Maybe it's best if I start from the beginning:

I walked right up and demanded how he knew Temari's favorite flowers were tulips.

He looked puzzled. "Huh?"

"How. Do. You. Know. What. Temari's favorite flowers are?" I demanded again, slowly.

I must have looked pretty pissed, because Sakura, who had been eating with Naruto, looked a little worried.

Naruto still seemed a little clueless. "Gaara told me...uh, why do you ask?"

"And just why the hell were you giving Temari flowers?!" I demanded.

Naruto just crinkled his brow. "Huh? Hey, how did you know about that?"

I was about to lose it then, but as it turns out I didn't need to, as almost everyone else who had followed me to Ichiraku did instead.

"Naruto!"

"That was you?!"

"How could you!"

"I thought you were Shikamaru's friend!"

"What an ass!" (This sounded like Shino's voice, believe it or not)

Now during these shouts of indignation on my behalf, Naruto was slapped by Tenten and Ino, glared at by Neji and Shino, scolded by Lee, and furiously pointed at by Choji, not in that order.

At some point, Kiba passionately threw Naruto's ramen bowl into his lap.

Sakura, who suddenly seemed to know what we were talking about, gave a her usual shout of fury and smacked Naruto over the head with _her _ramen bowl.

Naruto, who'd seemed completely disoriented the entire time this had been going on, finally yelled "What is wrong with you guys?! What did I do?!"

"What do you mean, what did you do?! You've been trying to steal your friend's girlfriend behind his back!" yelled Kiba, looking ready to take a swing.

Naruto looked even more confused, which was starting to confuse me. "What? What are you talking about?!" he yelped, ducking another blow from Sakura, noodles and fish cakes in his hair.

"D-didn't you leave some flowers for Temari, N-naruto?" Hinata (who had apparently also been there, though I hadn't noticed her until then) asked.

"Well, yeah! Yesterday, but what does that have to do with all of you acting like crazy people?!" he demanded.

Now at that point, what with everyone else getting so angry for me, I was able to actually calm down and think.

Naruto was a good friend. I'd known the guy for years, and this was really out of character for him.

Plus even he wasn't so stupid as to not realize why we were mad at him...unless he really didn't have a clue.

Which was when it all started to click.

I held a hand up to hold Choji off, which caught some of the others attention.

"Crazy people? You're the underhanded one, trying to woe Temari with flowers!" Ino fumed.

Naruto's eyes widened as he pulled a handful of noodles off of his head. "Wait, _that's _what you're all talking about?! Gaara _told _me to get those flowers for her! I was just doing him a favor! You think I'm trying to steal Temari from Shikamaru?" He looked hurt, then. "What kind of friend do you think I am, dattabayo?!"

"A stupid one," I said, rubbing my forehead.

And that's how I found out Gaara was trying to set Temari and Naruto up.

Yep, that's right.

'Extended mission' my ass.

Your cranky author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **You guys didn't really think Naruto would do such a thing to his friend, did you? ;) Still, all may not be as it seems...and that's all you're getting from me for now. A departure from my usual style while writing this, but in order to clear some things up, it was necessary. Let me know if you were a fan or not, and thanks for reading! ^_^


	10. He's baaaack

**A/N: **Another quick (and random) update for you, folks! Not nearly as long as the last one, but still more or less in the same style. I think I heard a collective sigh of relief after the last chapter...haha, don't worry, Naruto is on Shikamaru's side, guys! ;)

* * *

Dear Journal:

Things just keep getting better and better.

It really does seem like the universe is against my relationship with Temari.

Let me start from the beginning again, while we were still at the ramen bar.

Though I did apologize to Naruto for falsely accusing him, I also had to chastise him for his stupidity.

"Didn't you think it was a little odd that Gaara kept asking you to get things for Temari?" I asked.

"Why would I?" he grumbled "He asked me to get flowers for his sister! People do that all the time, don't they?"

"No!" Most of the others shouted.

Naruto jumped a little, then bristled. "Yeah, well, obviously they do, otherwise he wouldn't have asked me! I figured he was just trying to be nice, after, you know," he pointed at me and made a slashing motion across his neck, which I assumed ment he was talking about my attempted murder.

I sighed.

"Naruto, he got you to get those things in an obvious attempt to get Temari to dump me herself." I hissed through gritted teeth.

I didn't mention my theory that Gaara might also like the idea of Naruto being with his sister more than me.

Naruto scowled. "Nah, Gaara wouldn't..." he trailed off when he saw the look on my face. "Uh, anyway, it was just some tulips and some candy, how would that make Temari dump you?"

Which was how things got worse.

"It wasn't just the tulips and the candy! There was other stuff, too. You got her more flowers." I said, a sinking feeling in my gut.

"No, there wasn't." Naruto protested. "All I got her was those stupid tulips, and some of that candy the shop by the front gates sells. You know, the kind you can only get there? That's all Gaara asked me to get, _I _didn't get her anything else."

Isn't it amazing how one statement like that can just ruin your whole day all over again?

So the stupid flower-giving admirer is still at large.

Why didn't someone tell me having a girlfriend would be so much trouble?

Your again worried author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **And with that, Shikamaru's problems just got worse. I'm being very mean to him. )


	11. The Terrible Plan

**A/N: **I'm back! Sorry for the wait, folks. Things have been hectic lately, and every time I settled down to write it seems like something else came up. That and I've been trying to finish up a story for another fandom. But anyway, here's a little something to tide you over for now. May Shikamaru's misfortune entertain you. ;)

* * *

Dear Journal:

So, after the little revelation that there was indeed another secret admirer, the others of course decided to announce that they were all behind me, and were going to help me find the guy before, in Kiba's own words, Temari 'Wizened up and dumped me for him'.

They all proceeded to (loudly) make 'plans of attack', while I sat down on a stool beside Naruto, who was still pulling ramen out of his hair and clothes.

I still felt a little guilty for accusing him, and offered to buy him a new bowl.

He looked at me all wide-eyed, before very seriously telling me that he should be buying me a bowl, because I really needed it.

Which made me feel worse. My situation must be really bad if Naruto was offering to buy me comfort ramen.

Dammit.

Anyway, Ino suggested I spy on Temari's place and see who drops the stuff off.

I told her that it was wrong of me to spy on my girlfriend, and that I wasn't going to do it.

I didn't, however, tell anyone that it was not _technically_ spying on my girlfriend if my friends were doing it instead of me and I didn't know about it.

Because if would be wrong of me to ask them to spy for me.

But it isn't wrong of me to 'accidentally' leave my journal here on the bar where one of them can pick it up and read it.

And hopefully get the hint.

Your sneaky author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**Sly.**

**- Shino**

* * *

_Oh, we getcha buddy! Don't worry, I'm on the case!_

_Your awesome spy friend,_

_Kiba_

* * *

**_I shall enlist Lady Hinata as well. Nobody will be able to get past our eyes._**

**_- a determined Neji_**

* * *

Don't worry, that chump won't get past us!

~Tenten~

* * *

**Yosh! We'll use the power of our youth to help you, my friend!**

**Youthfully yours, **

**Lee**

* * *

_We understand, Shika! Don't worry!_

_Your friend,_

_Choji_

* * *

_Don't worry Shikamaru, I won't let anyone screw this up. You can count on me to be subtle, at least. Plus Sakura says she'll help as well._

_~ Ino_

* * *

_Dear Supposedly Clever Son,_

_Ino dropped this off just now, and after reading your friends' comments, I've got to wonder if you really thought this through._

_I'm guessing not._

_Your amused father_

* * *

Dear Journal:

Oh, God.

What have I done?

Your horrified author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **The return of the nosy friends! For a smart guy, Shikamaru really didn't think that through. Will hopefully have an update for all of you soon, as well as a new chapter for 'Me and My Shadow' and 'The 10-step Program for Reforming villains'. Thanks for all of the reviews, they always make my day! :)


	12. A Grudge

**A/N: **Okay, I've been experiencing some 'technical difficulties' (i.e., my computer was giving me crap), so I haven't been able to update 'Me and My Shadow' or 'The 10-step program' this week like I wanted. This is a short little chapter I managed, and will hopefully be able to get another update soon...hopefully.

* * *

Dear Journal:

After I got up and left my journal on the ramen bar for the others to read (An act I'm sorely regretting), I went for a walk around town to give them some time.

Anyway, Naruto tagged along, jabbering all the while and still apologizing every now and then.

I told him to forget it, and that I shouldn't have accused him like that, and that it wasn't his fault that Gaara had decided to take advantage of his stupidity.

He nodded and looked relieved until he picked up on the stupidity remark. Then he punched me in the arm.

So we're cool now.

But then things got interesting.

He was still a little ticked, and said he was going to clock Kankuro something good tomorrow when he came to the village.

So Kankuro's coming tomorrow.

Interesting.

I feel a little snubbed that the village or Temari didn't bother to tell me that one of my would-be murderers was coming to town, but that's not the point.

I'm definitely going to be there when Naruto gives him hell tomorrow.

Gaara my scare the holy crap out of me, but Kankuro?

Kankuro I can handle. So long as his scary brother or Temari isn't with him.

And I have something I wanna bring up with him.

Your grudge-holding author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **True story: The arm-punch thing is how my brother and I know we're cool after an argument. A short chapter, hopefully I'll have more next time for you, and will be able to update my other stories as well. Thanks for all the reviews! :)


	13. Wager

**A/N: **Ba-ha! I'm back with another update! I gotta thank everyone who reviewed the last time, thanks to you guys this has officially become my highest-reviewed fanfic...woo-hoo! Thanks guys, you rock! :D

* * *

Dear Journal:

The word from the 'spies' is Mr. Admirer had yet to rear his ugly (or according to Kiba 'Likely better looking than mine') head.

They have all assured me they are using the utmost discretion, and that nothing will get by them.

I've gotta wonder, though, because they also told me that Sai, Shiho, Kakashi, Genma, Kotetsu AND Izumo all stopped and asked them what they were doing.

So now Sai, Shiho, Kakashi, Genma, Kotetsu, and Izumo all know what they were doing. Of course.

As well as Teuchi, Ayame, Nishi, and Matsu from Ichiraku Ramen, since they overheard them loudly planning the whole thing there yesterday after I left.

Dad was right, I really didn't think that through.

But anyway, I'm off to go see Naruto, and, by extension, Kankuro.

Your exasperated author,

Shikamaru

* * *

_Dear son,_

_They also told Chozu and Hiashi._

_I know this because they told me this morning at the Hokage's office (Lady Fifth now knows as well)._

_Everyone's now taking bets on whether or not you'll make it._

_Don't worry, I think the odds are in your favor._

_Lady Tsunade bet 200 ryo you'd screw it up._

_Your gambling father_

* * *

Dear Journal:

I've given up trying to hide this from Dad, we think too much alike anyway.

Lady Tsunade betting against me actually does make me feel better.

But anyway, about Kankuro...

When he got here, he went to see the Hokage first thing, so Naruto and I intercepted him when he was done.

Unfortunately, Temari was there as well, so we didn't mention anything.

We did all walk back to the place Temari's staying, though; Kankuro giving me these smug looks all the while and completely oblivious to the angry glares he was getting from Naruto.

I'm going to have to have a talk with Shino, though. He may have been inconspicuous in that alley across the street from Temari, but with his demeanor and the way he was dressed he looked like he was either a drug dealer or a pimp.

Your wary author,

Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **A short little chapter with almost no plot developement whatsoever...but don't worry, the next one will explain some things, I promise. :)

Also...with some sweat, blood, and tears I've updated 2 of my other Naruto fanfics, 'Me & My Shadow: Shikaku's Life Lessons' (yes, I changed the name) and also 'The 10-Step Program For Reforming Villains'. But anyway, now that I've shamelessly promoted my other works, I'd really appreciate it if you guys could go check them out. :)


	14. Deception

**A/N: **Another random update, ready to go. :) Much longer than last time (thought I'd make up for the short chapter), and some questions are finally answered! Thanks for the reviews so far, they always make me smile. ^_^

* * *

Dear Journal:

So we finally managed to get Kankuro alone.

I had a few questions I wanted to ask him, but Naruto beat me to the punch.

The meeting went something like this:

Kankuro finally picked up Naruto's (fairly obvious) anger towards him.

"Er, hey, what's wrong with you?" he asked.

Naruto pointed at him angrily. "You used me to try to make Temari break up with Shikamaru!" he fumed. "I even got ramen thrown at me!"

Kankuro stared blankly at him. "Wait, how did you figure that out on your own? And what does that have to do with ramen?"

Naruto started waving his arms around. "SO YOU ADMIT IT!" he yelled. "I can't believe you'd do something so underhanded! My friends thought I was some kind of schmuch!" -I briefly remembered one of the girls throwing that word at him at Ichiraku- "I thought you and Gaara were my friends, how could you? Wait, what do you mean 'how did I figure that out on my own', huh?!"

Kankuro winced a little at Naruto's words, then turned to me. "You told him, didn't you?"

"Yes." I sighed. "But really, why the hell would you and your brother think Naruto and Temari would make a good match?"

"Yeah!" cried Naruto. "If you don't like the thought of Shikamaru with her, why would you-Wait, you guys were trying to pair us up?" he asked, looking a little stunned.

Kankuro looked a little guilty, which didn't sit well with me. "Um, yeah." he told Naruto.

Naruto glanced at me. "Did you know this?" he asked.

I sighed and nodded. "I had my suspicions."

He looked between me and Kankuro. "_Ewwww_."

"Whataya mean, 'ewww'?" protested Kankuro. "That's my sister you're talking about!"

"_And_ my girlfriend!" I reminded Naruto sharply.

"Oh, er, sorry. It's just...guys, she's pretty but...no. Nuh-uh, sorry. Why would you and Gaara think_ I_ would go out with her? Especially as she was with Shikamaru already!" Naruto replied, going from sheepish to outraged in a flash.

Again, Kankuro looked a little unsettled.

"Well, it's just...Gaara likes you, so I figured-"

"_You_ figured?" I asked, my arms crossed. Naruto glared at him and mimicked my pose.

"Uhhhh..." Kankuro trailed, looked trapped.

"So this was all _your _suggestion?" I demanded, keeping my tone even.

"Er, well-"

"It's _your _fault?" Naruto added dangerously, his eyes narrowed.

"Uh, um," Kankuro stuttered, glancing between us nervously, clearly realizing his chances of escape had dwindled.

"Or wait, did Gaara even know about this to begin with?" I speculated out loud.

"W-well..." Kankuro mumbled. I hit the nail on the head.

"He didn't, did he?! I knew he wouldn't do that to me!" cried Naruto.

"So you were the one sending Naruto those messages, as Gaara." I sighed. Kankuro nodded meekly.

"Oh, he's going to be SO PISSED when he finds out you were impersonating him-!" Naruto snickered gleefully.

"And that's nothing compared to what Temari's going to do when we tell her." I pointed out.

Kankuro groaned. "No, you can't tell them!" he protested.

Naruto and I looked at each other. "And just why not?" I asked, eyebrows raised.

"You don't understand, I'm at the bottom of the food chain! If I've got one or the other on my side that's one thing, I can't have them both pissed at me!" he half-wailed.

Knowing what Temari and the Kazekage are capable of firsthand, I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"Well...I suppose maybe we won't tell them..." I said slowly. "Under a few conditions, of course."

I didn't think telling Gaara and Temari about this wouldn't be beneficial to me at all. For one thing, I didn't want to give Gaara any ideas. True, he might initially be angry at Kankuro for corrupting his messages to Naruto, but likely he would care more that Kankuro came up with a decent plan to break me and Temari up. Second of all, telling Temari would mean admitting I had lied about the flowers to begin with, and risked her finding out about the _other _admirer.

In all honesty, tattling on Kankuro would probably make things _worse _for me.

But Kankuro didn't know that.

"What conditions?" Kankuro asked warily. Naruto raised his eyebrows and gave me a curious look.

"You back off." I said firmly, glaring at him. "Stop trying to sabotage me and Temari, and quit trying to intimidate me."

Kankuro scowled.

"I mean it." I warned. Beside me, Naruto nodded and raised his fist.

"Yeah, do it or we tell. Plus I kick your ass. Nine-tails style." he added.

Kankuro was silent for a minute, glaring at us (okay, me). Finally he nodded.

"Fine." he snapped stiffly.

I didn't have to see my reflection to know I looked smug.

So that's one problem down.

Things are finally going my way!

Your victorious author,

Shikamaru

* * *

_Dear son,_

_Maybe this is a bad time to tell you, then..._

_Your friends just dropped by. They said the admirer left something else for your girlfriend._

_You're making me regret my wager._

_The bearer of bad news,_

_Your father_

* * *

Dear Journal:

Crap.

* * *

**A/N: **Again, departure from the usual style, but from here on out most of the entries will probably be like this, if they're important plot-wise. Shikamaru should have known better than to get his hopes up. ;) Well, everyone *mostly* got some answers, eh-heh. I'm evil I know, but don't worry. I'm sure Shikamaru's friends will be there to help him. (On second thought, maybe Shikamaru should worry)


	15. An Emergency Meeting

**A/N: **I've been having an odd week, but after seeing what Shikamaru's been putting up with I feel much better. ;) Might be a bit of wait before the next chapter is up, because I don't foresee next week being any less hectic than this one...but hopefully it'll be worth it. :)

_KM12_: I actually don't ship Shikamaru with anyone in particular, I just like his character and as long as he's with someone else I like and it's really well written then I'm okay. That being said, I don't foresee any ShikaIno in this one, sorry. At least not seriously. Poor Shikamaru is having enough problems with the women in his life as it is. ;)

* * *

Dear Journal:

So after the newest item, a stuffed _weasel_ of all things, was left on Temari's doorstep, an emergency meeting of 'Team Shikamaru' (Yes, Kiba named them) was called to Team Gai's usual training spot.

I noticed there were a few new recruits (Konohamaru and his friends) there, but was honestly too aggravated from the current situation to care.

"I thought you guys were supposed to be keeping an eye out for him!" I accused.

Choji raised his hand. "I thought you were pretending you didn't know about that." he said. Out of respect to our friendship, I ignored him. Instead I glared at Shino.

"Off duty." he said with a slight shrug.

"_All _of you?" I demanded.

Everyone shook their heads and simultaneously pointed to Neji, who was standing with his arms crossed and his eyes closed. He looked rather embarrassed, and didn't meet my gaze when he opened his eyes.

"It was on your watch?" I asked incredulously. If this admirer could get past someone like Neji, I really was screwed.

"Yes...well..." He muttered, then coughed lightly. "I was distracted."

"_By_?" I hedged.

"The almighty genius of the Hyuga clan had to take a leak." Tenten sighed.

Neji glared at her. "Tenten!" he hissed.

I blinked and tried to wrap my head around the thought of someone sneaking by Neji while he answered nature's call, and failed.

"I thought you were supposed to be the high and mighty jounin, Mister 'Nobody will get past my eyes'!" Kiba cried.

"If we had done this in groups of two, like I suggested, nobody would have!" Neji retorted.

"Lee was supposed to be with you!"

"I was getting us lunch!" protested Lee.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. It seemed like I was around an awful lot of energetic people yelling lately. Dear lord, with friends like these who needed enemies.

"Quiet!" I yelled. Yeesh, they were even making _me _yell. Everyone quieted and stared back at me.

"Yeesh, dude. No need to get grumpy." Kiba said, sounding offended.

"Yeah, we're just trying to help!" Tenten piped up, glaring at me.

I needed aspirin. Lots and lots of aspirin.

"Well _clearly _this...person...is skilled. He slipped by me when he knew I was preoccupied." Neji said, almost succeeding in keeping his tone normal. Almost, but not quite.

"He must have known we were keeping watch." Shino said.

Obviously. "But you were being so stealthy." I muttered sarcastically. I felt Shino's stare without looking at him.

"I don't know why this guy's being so stealthy." grumbled Kiba. "If he wants to make a pass on Shikamaru's woman, he should come out and face him like a man!"

I gritted my teeth. "I'm not facing anyone over this, I just want to know-"

"Maybe he's a coward?" suggested Choji.

"If he was he wouldn't be pining after the scary Suna lady. She's really tough!" Konohamaru piped up. Several of the guys shuddered and nodded.

I resented my girlfriend's infamy as the 'scary Suna lady'. No matter how realistic the description was. "She's not-"

"Or maybe I've been going about this all wrong, and he actually _isn't_ better looking than Shikamaru." Kiba said, staring at me intently with his chin in his hand. "I know Shikamaru didn't set the bar real high, but maybe this guy's really, _really_ homely."

I'm still not sure if Kiba ment to insult me or not. "What are you impl-"

"M-maybe he's sh-shy." whispered Hinata. Yes, even the quiet one was interrupting me.

"He's probably just afraid of Gaara." said Naruto from beside me.

I turned to face him. "What?"

"Look what happened to you." he said, gesturing at me oddly. "You still haven't been cleared for missions yet, and you haven't been exactly, ah,"

"On your A-game." Ino supplied helpfully. The others nodded quickly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Most of my problems lately weren't really my fault.

"You're cranky." Kiba said.

"You still walk with a little limp-" Sakura started.

"Can't catch a book thrown at you point-blank from 20 paces-" Neji pointed out.

"Still drop your chopsticks sometimes when you're eating-" Choji added.

"And have been making...questionable...judgement calls lately." Shino finished. He glanced around us when he said it.

"Yeah yeah I get the picture." I snapped, rubbing my forehead again.

"And then you keep doing that." Ino said, frowning. "Are you still having headaches?"

"Yes. Can't imagine why." I sighed.

"See? Gaara really did a number on you! If I were this guy I wouldn't let him find out who I was, either." Kiba declared, giving me a whack on the back. "We thought you were a goner, buddy!"

Which was when a lightbulb went off in my head. Heh. So this guy was afraid of Gaara finding out.

How's the old saying go? The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

I got up and dashed off after I recovered from the coughing fit Kiba's smack caused me.

I heard Tenten yelling "Way to go, Kiba, you broke Shikamaru again!" as I left.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a letter to write.

Your 'broken' author,

Shikamaru

* * *

_Dear broken son,_

_They forgot to mention you snore like an asthmatic drunken sailor now, too._

_Seriously, you need to get that checked. I think you stopped breathing last night._

_I actually considered smothering you when you started again._

_Your concerned sleep deprieved father_

* * *

**A/N: **If you're all wondering why Shikamaru still isn't top-notch, he's actually only been out of the hospital for less than 2 weeks...it just seems like forever, haha. Also, there's actually a reason the admirer gave Temari a stuffed weasel, let's see if any of you guys can work it out. ;)

To Gaaralover2247...you totally called it, back in chapter 6. I just couldn't tell you without spoiling anything, my friend! XD


	16. The Belly of the Beast

**A/N: **For all of those who have been patiently waiting for an update since...April *bows head in shame*, I hereby dedicate this chapter to you. I have about a thousand reasons why this is so late (one of which may or may not be the violent and accidental death of this chapter, resulting in me having to rewrite it), but I won't bore you with details I doubt you care about anyway, and the important thing is, it is *finally* here!

I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed, followed, or added this to their favorites despite my absence. The last chapter was the highest-reviewed chapter to date, with the number reaching into the triple digits! That right there is what motivated me to sit down and crank this one out; You guys are awesome! :D

One last thing before I depart: I don't like giving anything concerning the plot away, but after reading the reviews for the last chapter, I feel as though I should say this - Itachi is not, will not, and has never (to my knowledge) held a torch for Temari. I can assure you, 100%, that Itachi is not the admirer. X) The reason Temari got the stuffed weasel will be explained later, though _Lavendor Queen_, you got it right! ^_^

* * *

Dear Journal:

It takes about three days to get from Suna to Konoha.

After receiving my letter, the Kazekage got here in two.

I think his official excuse was a 'diplomatic visit' of some sort, I'm not really sure. Once Lady Tsunade got word that he was coming she pretty much told me to keep my head down and stay home, and is keeping me out of the loop.

Temari's instructions were much more...well. She came flying into my house about five minutes after finding out he was coming, telling (okay, yelling at) me to stay inside, lock my doors and windows, stay with witnesses and bodyguards (preferably Naruto or a dozen ANBU), and avoid both of her brothers at all costs. She also said she would keep Gaara in her sights at all times, and would be limiting her contact with me for the duration of his visit.

I didn't find it necessary to inform her that not only did I prompt this visit, but I also arranged a meeting with him.

I had never seen her that flustered, even in battle, which besides making me feel guilty was also making me lose confidence in my plan.

Her reaction, though, was nothing compared to that of my friends.

Especially once I told them my plan.

"Are you INSANE?!"

"You INVITED him?!"

"Oh God, he DOES have brain damage!"

"This is what I ment by _questionable _judgement calls!"

And so on and so forth. Lots of shouts concerning my sanity, and musings as to whether or not I was suicidal.

I eventually talked them out of tying me up and smuggling me into a 'secure location', but only on the condition that Naruto and either Sakura or Lee stayed with me as bodyguards/backup.

Which was how I ended up sitting across the table from Gaara at Ino's house, with Lee and Naruto on either side of me.

I'd been planning on having Naruto there anyway, simply because his ability to reason with Gaara was even better than Temari's, but the little extra support from Lee did ease my tension a little.

Not a lot, but a little.

I might have felt a little better if the medic with the deadly super-strength were there instead.

Anyway, back to the meeting:

I spoke first. "Er, thank you for coming."

Gaara gave me a cold stare in response. His gaze shifted, however, when Naruto cleared his throat and gave Gaara a look.

He sighed and crossed his arms, and even though his expression didn't get any friendlier, he did speak. "Fine. But let's get straight to why I'm here."

I got the feeling Naruto must have had a _talk_ with Gaara before the meeting.

"Uh, right. It's just like I told you in my letter. Temari's got an...admirer, and we don't know anything about him. Other than who he isn't." I added, glancing quickly at Kankuro, who was seated beside his brother.

I'd gone ahead and clued him in after sending word to Gaara, figuring he might be able to keep tabs on the goings-on around Temari better then 'Team Shikamaru' could.

"Uh, by the way, where is Temari...?" I asked. She'd said she was going to keep an eye on him, after all, so it was a little unsettling he'd managed to sneak by her.

"She thinks I'm currently in a meeting with the Hokage. A few of your friends are distracting her, I'm assuming so we can have this meeting. The Hokage thinks I'm spending time with Temari." Gaara replied.

So much for keeping him in her sights at all times.

"Sakura's supposed to be distracting Granny." Naruto whispered to me. "Otherwise I'm sure she'd be keeping tabs on him, too."

That explained Lee, anyway.

"But that's not important. Why am I here?" asked Gaara. I couldn't read his expression well, but he almost looked exasperated.

"Whattaya mean? I thought he explained it to you?" Naruto questioned, cocking his head to the side. "There's this dude that likes Temari! Doesn't that bother you?"

Gaara nodded patiently at him. "Yes, it bothers me. But that's not what I was talking about." He turned his attention to me. "Why did you tell me about it?" he asked, sounding almost curious.

"Cuz he figured you'd do something about it...?" Naruto suggested slowly. "And he wanted your help?"

Gaara shrugged. "Perhaps," he said, talking as though I had asked the question and not Naruto. "However, you know I don't like you. Temari barely knows this person, if at all. This seems to be inconveniencing you, more than anything else. Why would I help you?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Naruto give me a quick glance.

I'd been expecting this, though, and already had my answer ready.

"Yes, well...I'm assuming it's not me, personally, you dislike, so much as the fact that I'm dating your sister." Gaara twitched a little at that, and I hoped I wasn't going to regret my choice in words. "I'm guessing you'd hate anyone who was in or wanted a relationship with Temari. An equal-opportunity boyfriend hater." Kankuro almost cracked a smile.

"My point is...even if Temari dumped me, and ended up with this new guy, you'd still be in the same boat. Your sister would still be with a guy, and one you would probably hate. And this new guy would be...unknown. But me?" I took a deep breath and leaned forward. "I'm a known enemy."

"You know me. You've known me for years, and my weaknesses and everything. _I _know _you_. Hell, you scare the crap out of me. I know if I screw up with Temari, I've got to deal with her _and _you, which is positively terrifying. I know if I don't screw it up, I've _still_ got to deal with you, which is terrifying."

I leaned back again, and saw Lee and Naruto staring at me, both with their mouths agape. I kept my attention on Gaara, though.

"Eventually Temari's going to get into a relationship with somebody, be it me or somebody else. And more than likely you're going to be opposed to it. So I figure you can either take a gamble, or, for now at least, stick with me."

"The 'known enemy'." Gaara said. If I was more familiar with his mannerisms, I would've said he sounded thoughtful.

Thoughtful was good. Thoughtful would mean my little speech worked.

"Are you out of you mind?" Naruto tried to hiss quietly at me, while the Suna brothers exchanged meaningful looks. "_That's_ your idea of a motivational speech?"

"Just be quiet." I snapped back. "I know what I'm doing."

"Are you sure?" Lee whispered on my other side. "Because if I had a sister you wanted to date, that would not have won me over." I had counted it as a blessing Lee had managed to keep silent up until now, instead of shouting about me and Temari's youthful romance together.

That _definitely_ wouldn't have won the Kazekage over.

In the few minutes it took for Naruto and Lee to attempt to deflate my confidence, Gaara finally seemed to have made a decision.

"I suppose you do have a point, albeit an...interesting one." he said. I had the feeling 'interesting' was a substitute for 'desperate', but at this point I really didn't care. "That being said, I still don't like you, and I'm not helping you. I'm just getting rid of this other person, because at the moment I dislike him more."

"So...truce?" I ventured, ignoring the dumbfounded looks from Naruto, Lee, and even Kankuro.

Gaara nodded. "For now, at least."

Stick _that _in your pipe and smoke it, mystery guy.

- Shikamaru

* * *

**A/N: **A longer chapter to (hopefully) make up for my absence. :) Unfortunately, I'm unlikely going to be able to give you another update soon, but hopefully it won't be another 3 months, either.

Reading this, I'd like to point out I don't dislike Gaara (the opposite, actually). However, I have to write characters as Shikamaru would see them, and at the moment he isn't feeling the love where Gaara is concerned (and from his position, who can blame him?).

Reviews are always appreciated; they totally motivate me and tell me to get my sorry butt in gear and crank out another chapter for you! ;)


	17. Kamatari & The Reluctant Truce

**A/N: **I'm back again! So, after a month of absence (sorry, but when someone says 'Summer vacation', it really doesn't apply to me...I've been busier now then any other time of year), I've returned with another update. I feel like most of my author's notes lately have been apologies...and I'm sorry for that (yes, I see the irony). Besides work and life, other projects have been keeping me away. But I'll do my best to keep cranking out chapters for all of you, so thank you for all of your reviews and support! :) They're what keep me going!

Just a few shout-outs before I go: _Sabaku of Shiaki_, you are awesome! :D Thank you thank you thank you, for all of your reviews, for both this story and Me and My Shadow! Lavendor Queen - That's a great idea, but how do you know whoever it is hasn't already done so? ;) Hee-hee, thank you, your review brightened my day. ^_^ And finally, _Alex_...lol, I don't know why, but your review made me laugh the hardest. Don't worry, I call people 'Dude' and 'Man' all the time regardless of gender, and I assure you I look nothing like Legend of Zelda Spirit Tracks Link. (Though after you said that, I'm now wondering how many of my readers imagine little Toon Link furiously swiping at a keyboard going "Hyaa! Hyup! Haa!") Nope, I'm much buffer and taller. More like Skyward Sword Link. ;)

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Dear Journal:

It would have been straight to business after that, if Naruto hadn't opened his big mouth.

"Come on, Gaara!" he proclaimed, ignoring my shut-the-hell-up-_right_-now look. "You still can't go acting like that, after Shikamaru gave you that...that..." He tried to find a fitting word for our conversation, and gave up. "Come on, Shikamaru's a cool guy! Why don't you like him? Besides, you know, the dating your sister thing."

I was cringing internally while Lee face-palmed. Gaara just sighed.

"Do we really have to get into this now?" Kankuro grumbled.

"No, we really don't." I said quickly as I moved to pinch Naruto's leg under the table. He jumped up before I got to him and leveled his finger at Kankuro.

"I'm just saying, Shikamaru's okay! If I had a sister, I'd be okay if she dated him!" he cried. I had a hard time keeping a straight face at that, mostly because I was picturing a sexy-jutsu version of him. I must have not succeeded, because Lee saw my face and starting snickering.

From the flicker that came over Gaara's expression, he must have been picturing the same thing.

"Come on, Naruto. We said we'd work together. That doesn't mean we have to like him. Can't we just leave it at that?" Kankuro groaned.

Naruto crossed his arms stubbornly. "Name one thing you don't like about him, that has nothing to do to Temari."

"Just one?" Kankuro muttered. I grabbed Naruto's arm and yanked him down to my level. "What the hell are you doing?" I hissed into his ear. "It's fine, just drop it!"

Naruto shook his head and glared at me. "No, it's _not _fine. Temari likes you, so that should be good enough for them. And why are you getting mad, I'm trying to help you!"

"He's lazy." said Gaara, ignoring the argument on our side of the table.

"Not _all _of the time..." Lee said slowly. "At least, I don't think so..."

"He's always sighing or grumbling about something." Kankuro said after rolling his eyes at Lee.

"Uh..." Naruto started, putting his hand to his chin thoughtfully. "But he's really smart!"

"His head looks like a pineapple." Kankuro responded.

"Temari's head looks like a clover." Naruto countered.

"His face looks stupid."

"So does yours!"

At this point I started to tune out their bickering, focusing my attention on Gaara. He rolled his eyes at Kankuro, then gave me a curt nod.

"I assume this is the part where we share information?" he asked. He didn't raise his voice, so I had to strain to hear him over Naruto and Kankuro.

"Uh, right." I said, reaching under the table to pull out 'Exhibit A'; the stuffed animal Neji had the presence of mind to swipe from Temari's doorstep before she had seen it. I'd been calling it Kamatari, after her summoning animal.

"This is the only thing we have that we know he's touched." I said as I dumped it on the table in front of us. "Unfortunately, Kiba couldn't get a scent off of it, so it's been a dead-end."

"What is that supposed to be?" Kankuro asked suddenly, stopping mid-shout.

"A weasel."

"I don't remember it looking so...beat up, when Neji picked it up." Lee said as he looked at me curiously.

As part of me rehabilitation, I was supposed to be practicing weapon throwing on a daily basis. Since we couldn't get anything useful off of the thing, I'd decided to use it as a target.

I found it therapeutic.

"Not important." I said, not looking at Lee.

"It's missing an ear." Naruto commented. I ignored him.

"Then what is important?" Kankuro demanded. "Why show it to us at all if you can't track with it?"

"Because, it's the thing itself that's important." I said. I received several puzzled looks in response.

"It's a stuffed _weasel_." I repeated. "How many people in Konoha know about Kamatari? It's not common knowledge. Most of you guys didn't pay much attention to it until _I_ mentioned it, when Neji brought it to my place." I directed the last part to Naruto and Lee.

"It's not like she uses it all the time when she's here." Naruto huffed. "She could summon giant, fire-breathing rabbits, for all I know."

"So we can assume whoever bought it must have known something about her summons." I reasoned. "Unless, of course, they just picked it up because they liked it, and the animal was just a coincidence. In which case I'm making mountains out of molehills, but..."

"No, I think you're on to something." Gaara said, to my surprise. "People in Suna might know about him, but I don't see why too many people from other villages would. Temari doesn't use Kamatari often; when she does, it's in training or battle, and he's too fast to really distinguish _what _he is."

Kankuro nodded quickly. "Yeah, if it weren't for his name I don't think most people in Suna would even know what he was. It's not like she takes him for walks around the village." he snorted.

"Then...maybe it's a Sand ninja!" cried Naruto excitedly.

Gaara frowned at him. "Not possible."

"Are you sure?" I pressed. "Not to get into your business, but did you maybe send someone with or to keep an eye on Temari when she came for...whatever mission you sent her here for?"

When Gaara and Kankuro glanced at each other quickly, I knew I had caught on to something.

Naruto and Lee caught on to it too, because they both leaned forward.

"Well?" Naruto demanded. "You know somebody?"

"No," Gaara sighed. "It's not that, it's just..." He frowned at the ground a moment, apparently trying to decide whether or not to tell us, before he continued. "I didn't actually send Temari on a mission here." he admitted.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I'd had an odd feeling about Temari's 'mission' all along, mostly because she'd been dodgy when I asked her about it. If she'd just been visiting or on a vacation, though, I couldn't think of why she'd lie.

"I mean, I didn't give her permission to come here. Or to leave Suna, for that matter." Gaara said, still not looking up.

We must have all had questioning looks on our faces, because Kankuro scowled at us before snapping "She just took off, okay?"

"What? Why?" I blurted out. Temari was always responsible, and took her ninja duties very seriously; she wouldn't just up and leave without a word or permission from her Kazekage for no reason, even if he was her little brother. It just didn't sound like Temari.

Gaara glared at me. "Because of you, actually." he said stiffly.

"Huh?" It was odd when Naruto of all people could sum up your thoughts so easily.

"After the little incident with...you," Kankuro started. "Temari got a little-" Gaara let out an angry huff- "Okay okay, _really_ angry about it. We all got into a big argument, and the next day she just...left. Took off and left us a note telling us where she was going, and saying she wasn't coming back until-how did she word it?" he asked Gaara.

"Until we stopped being 'Evil, overprotective, hypocritical dumbasses' was the exact wording, I think." Gaara answered. Now _that _sounded like Temari.

"Right, that. She said until that and we apologized, she wasn't coming back, and that we'd know where to find her." Kankuro finished.

"I sent a messenger after her, but she wouldn't budge. So I made up some mission for her to use as an excuse for the elders, and sent word to the Hokage that she'd be staying here on said mission." Gaara said, now sounding more defeated than angry.

I groaned and smacked my hand to my forehead. "So I'm guessing the reason Kankuro came along when he did was..."

"To try to convince her to come back." Kankuro sighed, nodding.

I sighed as well. As informative as all of this was, I had decided it was time to get back to the point. "So, it can't really be a Sand ninja that's been doing all of this." I muttered.

Gaara shook his head warily. "No. No one would have had the opportunity. The only ones in Suna who know where exactly she is are me, Kankuro, Baki, the messenger I told you about, and the higher-ups and the elders I've been making excuses to. Unless you count the ninja I brought with me today, who didn't know until now."

"What about that messenger?" Lee suggested.

Kankuro waved his hand. "He's been off doing something else since. Besides, he's married with two kids, and Temari scares the crap out of him. And don't even go there, with Baki or the elders, okay?" he added, making a face.

I dearly hope it isn't Baki or the Suna elders. They might not be much as far as competition, but the thought itself is disturbing.

After the general consensus that we had "jack, with a side of squat', in Kankuro's words, the meeting was adjourned and everyone went their separate ways.

Which leaves me here, writing all of this down in the dead of night because visions of Baki trying to woe Temari are haunting my dreams.

I know it's not him, but still.

Ugh.

Restless and wary,

Shikamaru

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**A/N: **A chapter to rival the last one in length. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to keep that up, word-count wise, as to be honest I'm more able to crank out more updates if the chapters happen to be a little shorter.

As a way to try to get my head back in the game, I re-read most of this again before I continued writing...and was appalled be the amount of mistakes I missed the first time around. I'll try to work on fixing those before my next update, but thanks for being patient with me, and I apologize for those and any future mistakes as well.

Thanks again to everyone still reading this! ^_^ I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and thanks for all the reviews, follows, and favs. :) There's a simple equation that always helps me when I'm writing: Reviews = Encouragement, Encouragement = More writing, and More writing = more updates. ;)


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